Landslide
by Haley Was Here
Summary: When you've shared a childhood with someone, it can be tempting to fall into old habits and forget that you've grown up.


Though it had been years since Lily had done this, she re-traced the familiar steps to Petunia's room with no conscious thought. She stepped carefully over the squeaky floorboard in the hallway, then held up her hands and felt her way around the open door that jutted out into her path. Three steps to the right, four steps forward, and two steps to the left later and she was there. The dim lighting of her sister's room was visible through the crack under the door, confirming that Petunia was still awake. Lily hesitated for only a moment, wondering if it would be a mistake to go to her estranged sister for such personal advice. Then she remembered how awful it was to lie awake in bed with no other input on the matter, tossing and turning as she re-hashed her same awful thoughts hour after sleepless hour. Lily rapped gently on her sister's door.

"Tuney?" she whispered.

There was a pause—quite a lengthy one, at that-and Lily was about to go back to her room when the door opened just enough for Petunia to peer at her younger sister through the crack.

"Yes?"

"Can I-can I come in?"

There was another pause. The elder sister studied the younger with suspicion. "Why? Run out of pumpkins to turn into carriages?"

As much as she wanted to speak civilly to Petunia, Lily couldn't help but to roll her eyes. "No. I just…I just want to talk."

To Lily's surprise, Petunia didn't object. She didn't seem thrilled by the idea, of course, but Lily would take what she could get. The blonde pulled the door open a fraction of an inch more so that the opening was barely wide enough for even a relatively small person like Lily to fit through, but the message was clear. Lily stepped into the room and closed the door behind her, turning the knob so that it would shut without the telling _click_ that sounded too loud in the silence of the house.

The first thing Lily noticed was how little Petunia's room had changed. The walls were the same obnoxious pink color she had chosen as a little girl; the bin of toys was still neatly shut and pressed against the wall; and the same posters of various Muggle musicians and bands were plastered up here and there. Lily's room was similarly unchanged, complete with dollhouse and fairytale books. But the girls who lived in the rooms were so, so different.

"Make it quick, I've got to get some sleep tonight before I go back to London in the morning."

Petunia was reclined on her bed, lazily turning the pages of a romance novel and appearing to be quite uninterested in anything her younger sister had to say. It was too late to turn back now, though. Lily eased herself onto the rug by Petunia's bed, just as she had all those years ago when she would sneak into her big sister's room to giggle over stories of neighborhood friends. She leaned back against the nightstand, her legs stretched out in front of her. Last time she did this, they didn't even reach the middle of the rug. Now they extended just past it. If she pointed her toes the way she and Petunia had learned to in their ballet classes when they were little, then she could almost reach the edge of the bed.

"I'm waiting."

Lily continued to stare at her bare feet, wiggling her toes and fidgeting nervously with the bottom of her shirt. Just when it seemed that Petunia would throw her out of the room, she finally spoke.

"Tuney…why do you like Vernon?"

The reaction was instantaneous. Petunia sat up rigidly, pursing her lips until they were little more than a thin line on her face. "Lily, I have _told_ you time and time again, Vernon is a _great_ man and I don't appreciate the way you mock-"

"No, no, no!" Lily interrupted hastily. "That's not what I meant." She waited until Petunia looked a little calmer before trying again. "I meant…how do you know you like him?" Petunia still looked suspicious, so Lily elaborated. "How do you know that you don't just like him as a friend?"

"_Like him as a friend_? Because I'm not twelve, that's how."

"You know what I mean."

Petunia still looked amused by Lily's choice of words. She shrugged, leaning back on her pillows again. "I don't know. I guess…he made me feel like not-a-friend. I wanted _him_ to be not-a-friend. I wanted us to talk like more than friends, I wanted us to act like more than friends, I wanted us to do things that friends don't do."

"Ew, Tuney!" Vernon and Petunia doing things friends didn't do. Lily nearly gagged.

"You asked."

Lily was silent for a while, mulling over her sister's words, trying to decide if they applied or not, when Petunia spoke again.

"Why?"

The question was simple enough, but Lily had no idea how to answer it. She couldn't even answer the question in her own head, let alone aloud to someone else, someone who would have proof that this issue was bothering her. Wearily running a hand through her red hair, Lily became intently focused on an old Jim Morrison poster on the wall opposite her.

"There's…there's this bloke," she began softly. "We're friends. At least, I think we're friends. We didn't used to be, but now we are, and I just…he's so different now. Or maybe he's not different and I just never really knew before. But I…oh, I don't know."

"Is it that James Potter you're always on about?"

Lily's cheeks flushed red. "I am _not_ always on about him!"

Petunia smirked. "You used to be."

"I didn't even know you paid attention to anything I said anymore."

"Oh, please, all anyone in this family ever talks about is you and your little adventures at…" Petunia trailed off, the end of her sentence falling into the canyon between the two sisters. Lily bit her lip, still staring intently at the poster, hoping to God or Merlin or whatever that just this once, they could overcome this difference. They'd been doing so well. "So you like him," Petunia continued, her voice a little more gruff.

_Thank you, God or Merlin or whatever_. "I didn't say that."

The blonde snorted indelicately. "Yes, you did. That's exactly what you said. Not in so many words, but you still said it." A pause, and then she added: "And we all saw how you looked at him at the station earlier."

"Well, aren't _you_ observant all of a sudden." There was a certain sullenness, a pout to Lily's voice.

Basking in her sister's discomfort, Petunia grinned. "So you like him. Just tell him. Simple as that, even for you freaks."

If only it were that simple. Lily closed her eyes and leaned her head back further. It hit the nightstand with a soft _thud_. "I can't do that."

"Why not?"

"I don't know if I want to."

The concept of not immediately going after who or what you wanted was clearly lost on Petunia, who scoffed. "Of course you do."

"No, I really don't know!" Her eyes shot open and she glanced up at her sister. "For _years_, he has been James Potter, the annoying bloke who can't take a hint. Then suddenly this term, he was James Potter, the bloke who's surprisingly nice and actually pretty funny and not so bad to be around after all. I don't know how much more change I can take, Tuney. Especially so soon."

Petunia rolled her eyes and finally set her book aside. She hadn't read a word of it since the conversation started, but now she was clearly so engrossed in what was going on that she forgot to appear distant. "That's no excuse, Lily. Everyone changes all the time. Might as well change for the better."

Lily shook her head, wincing slightly as her temple collided with the nightstand's leg. She sat up, pulling her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them, taking up much less space on the rug now. "It's not just that."

"Oh, now what?"

"What if…what if he doesn't like me anymore? Like _that_, I mean?"

Another eye roll. "You've been complaining about him chasing after you for years, that hardly seems like the behavior of someone who doesn't like you."

"But he stopped this year. He hasn't asked me once, not in…well, almost a year exactly." Lily swallowed back a strange emotion she didn't like, then let everything pour out all at once. "And I kept saying 'no' all those years. In fact, I usually said _more_ than just 'no,' I usually insulted him too, and I just…I don't know how he can like me after that. _I_ wouldn't like me after that. I wouldn't blame him if he just—if he just insulted me and walked away, and I can't take that again! I can't go through someone else leaving me!" As she finally stopped to take a breath, Lily feared that she may have said too much. A moment later, she was proven right.

Petunia arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean, 'someone else leaving you'?"

Lily's eyes fluttered shut for a moment as she mentally kicked herself for saying anything at all. Her arms dropped to her sides, and her legs stretched out in front of her again, reaching just shy of the edge of the bed as she pointed and wiggled her toes. "Well, like Severus," she began slowly, buying a few more precious seconds of sisterhood before dropping the bomb. "And like you."

Petunia's eyes narrowed. She started to say something, then closed her mouth and picked up her book. "Good night, Lily," was all she said as she flipped to the bookmarked page and stared down at the printed words.

Well, she had already opened the can of worms now. Might as well take it all the way. "Tuney, I'm sorry that I can do magic and you can't, but why does that have to change—"

"I said _good night_, Lily!" The elder sister's voice was dangerously loud, and they both knew that there would be trouble if their parents walked in and found them here. It wouldn't be the same kind of trouble they'd have gotten in if they were younger; rather, it would mean that their parents would have proof that their girls were _finally_ getting along again and would expect them to behave accordingly even during the day. Neither sister could hold themselves to that kind of behavior all the time, not when Lily was a witch and Petunia was dating Vernon.

Lily stood up slowly and took one last glance around her sister's childhood room. All of the familiar objects were there, but the little girl who had picked them out and cared for them was definitely gone. There was no more Tuney; there was only Petunia.

"Get out, Lily."

With as much dignity as she could muster under the current circumstances, Lily made her way to the door, opening it quietly, then paused. Without turning around, she spoke softly. "Thank you, Tuney." And then she left.


End file.
